I feel settled.
Not in a bad way settled -- a good settled. Like, I feel I am somewhere I belong. I feel like I have a better grasp of my life.
I feel like I'm home.
Is it weird that this phenomenon is unsettling?
I've always loved the different places I've lived and the different friends that I've made, but I've never felt this feeling of home. The feeling of home has always been reserved for my childhood home.
But that's switched. I have a home I can decorate. Friends who spontaneously appear when I am in duress or sick. I know where every kind of store is in my surrounding areas. I have a season pass to the zoo. My neighbors and I chat and look after one another homes when the other is away. I have play dates and book clubs and people who will call on me when they need help (and vice versa).
I always thought something would have to change when I began to feel this way. But this time I'm keeping it. This time I'm staying.
Frankly, it all makes me feel a little old.
Speaking of Frank -- and totally off topic -- I'm a little in love with this name for a child (no, that's not some hint or foreshadowing). Tragically, Lane's the one who gets to name any boys and he is less-than enamoured with the name.
And speaking of kids (are you enjoying this seamless move from topic to topic?), I was thinking when I took my hiatus that I promised photos of all our wonderful adventures together during the break. I didn't take many photos and now I realize I never promised any. So basically I look like a hero for any photos.
I've also realized that I don't document my children's lives unless I have the social pressure of the blog. Bad.
So I'm only posting three photos taken during my Blogging time-off (of like, the 10 I have). Because strangely it makes me feel like a better mother that I have additional photos in my queue that I don't necessarily have to post.
7 comments:
Yeah! You're back! Settled? I guess it's time for a baby. Name him Frank :) Our little one needs another cousin to play with. Loves!
Glad to see you blogging again. I love your perspective on things and the pictures of those cute pups that you're bringing up.
Good to have you back blogging Rachel. Not only do I love the pictures, but I also love your insights. The feeling of home is a hard one to track. Your Mom and I in many ways still consider Springville home, but that is where we grew up. Our home in California is where we raised our children and were able to fulfill some of our dreams. Your life has now transitioned it's focus more to your family and your legacy, for that is what, in a very large (and eternal part) your children are. I'm glad you feel at home and find another sense of belonging -- because like it or not a part of you will always belong in your childhood home -- and that is good. The more roots for our tree or legs for our stool, that we have, the more stable we become. Sorry to ramble, but you know me...
Hey Rach,
Took me a while to feel like Springville was home (being from a big city and all). But that's OK, now you have put down roots, have friends, church, sweet family and hubby - you are definitely on the right track.
I was ruminating on why you weren't blogging. What to hear my reasons?
Rachel has morning sickness. Rachel made an agreement with Lane to be off the computer for a month if he ignored sports for a month (or games).
Rachel has worn her fingers down to the nub.
Rachel is teaching Jane how to keyboard.
ETC
I was trying to image what could keep you from putting your hands on the computer. By the way, I really missed you - looked every day in the top five for you.
Love ya all, G:ma
Oh, by the way, don't tell Becky you like the name Frank - baaaad episode in her life.
G:ma
Yay! Glad to have you back in the blogging club :) I hope the break was everything you needed/intended it to be.
Frank's a great name. It's actually a family name on my mom's side. I think we're up to six generations of Frank Pettys. (mom mom's dad, her brother etc). Good name.
I love the pic of the kids reading the book together! So cute.
LOVE the settled feeling. The same feeling dawned at me at church on fast sunday when I was walking the halls with the baby. I was amazed I could pick out almost every voice bearing testimonies. So nice to feel like you are starting to know people!
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